Food Log- day 12

Even though I had a tough day, I didn't stray from my diet. I stuck to it- Yay!!!

1. 1 srambled egg w/ turkey on whole wheat bread
2. mixed berries & grapes
3. Turkey & cheese w/ avocado
4. Fiber one bar
5. Whey protien shake mixed w/ almond milk.

I need to do better- I'm hoping that this weekend I can create a better food schedule for week 3. I gotta fuel the body.

peace

Jumpin' over a hurdle

Ok guys, this morning I was feeling like CRAP!!! I was so pissed off that I didn't lose any weight that I allowed my anger get the best of me. I completely put aside the fact that I have energy at 5am when it's time to work out. I put aside the fact that I did Yoga X and kicked butt. I put aside the fact that my sister told me that my biceps are getting hard (just after a week of working out). I put aside the fact that I've increased the amount of push ups and tricep dips I can do at one time in a matter of 1 week. I put aside the fact that I felt great, with all the soreness from working my ass off. I put aside the fact that I wasn't lethargic anymore and now I'm energized. All of these things were thrown out the window b/c of the fact that I didn't see a difference on the scale. SMH.

Now I know that many of you are thinking- "why did you get upset?"

My answer: "I've been struggling w/ weight forever. It's always been about the fact that I weighed 200+ lbs. I'm so focused on getting out of the 200s. I feel like when I break past that 200 lbs mark I would be "skinny" (in my head- lol). Also, I'm tired of being the fat one. The fat sibling, cousin, friend and employee. I feel like I'm always the biggest person- regardless of the situation- I'm ready to get past this fat."

But today was a hurdle for me... I had a nice conversation with myself that went something like this.... " Brownie- girl, you need to snap out of this. Many people trip and slip along their way to success. You fell down today, now you get up and dust the hell off. Stop having a f-ing pitty party and get focused. You're body has been in this condition for a long time- you have to have patience- b/c your body may be resisting your efforts to lose weight. It's during this time that you dig down deep and keep fighting- even when your tired. You push, you push and push the hardest you can. Remember, you are in charge- you will make this happen. You can win. You WILL WIN. "

So when you're feeling down- or you need a pick me up- just say this

"I am in charge, I will win- I will succeed, I will not stray, I will push hard today, I will PUSH PLAY!!!

Angry, Mad & Miserable......

Ok, so I know I've been telling everyone that I wouldn't weigh myself until my 30 day mark. Needless to say- I did not keep my own word. Today- I got out of bed ready for my workout. However- before starting I decided to hop on the scale to see what my progress has been. (That's right- I went digging into my scale's "hiding" place just to get on and see if I had any progress. So here I am all excited to see my progress just to see a .8lb lose. .8lbs!!!!!!! Not even a full pound. Ok, so I try to ignore the fact that I'm completely pissed off this early in the morning an I pushed play. However- I got through the warm up and just couldn't get focused. Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh. I'm sure I had to lose more than this .8lbs. I've been doing this for 2 weeks. No skipping/skimming- I've been working my ass off. So why the hell isn't the scale working with me?????

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Now I know what you're going to say " you probably built muscle".... Shit!!! I know that- but my mind is programmed to think about the numbers on the scale. I know now, that I definitely need to purchase a fat calculator- that way my efforts wouldn't feel so useless.

So instead of working on my legs & back- I'm blogging about my frustrations- b/c this shit just doesn't seem fair. *sigh* I'm going to start getting ready for work now. Layta